Scaredy-Cat

Journaling, for me, is productively procrastinating. An attempt to eliminate stress or anxiety or perhaps a feelings of a certain lacking in some form of intellectual or social intelligence. Where does it come from? Inherited scarring? Maybe if I played an instrument? Maybe if I were slightly taller or more than slightly wittier. I could think of 10 million other maybes but I'm not sure if it would help to list them. Was my childhood as lonely as I remember it being or am I just ungrateful? I'm outrunning the hurdles placed by thousands of ghosts and not sure if I believe in the supernatural. My parents seem unhappy, am I doomed to walk in their footsteps or destined to break the curse? Am I the rising tide that lifts familial boats? When your family is lost but urges you in a specific direction, sometimes you feel tied to the fork in the road. There is a certain comfort in making camp there. If you don't have enough confidence to walk on your own, but just enough in knowing what you don't want, where does it leave you? I'll try to be brave. I'll try to be mindful. I'll try to stay true to what I want. I'll try to be open to love, maybe things will work out, and if they don't, perhaps you learn something valuable along the way. If you're never scared, you never get the opportunity to be brave.